LONDON'S ART scene was rocked last month, by comments from a leading north-east critic. Responding to accusations from the Evening Standard's Brian Sewell that Gateshead isn't a fit and proper place to host major exhibitions, Newcastle Stuff's culture correspondent, Ronnie Tiptoad, said that the capital was full of 'ponces and wankers'. Sewell claimed that Gateshead is "an open sore" and lacks any kind of culture or sophistication, which also riled our Ronnie. Sitting at his usual table by the tab machine in the Blackett Arms, he said: "If he comes in here, I'll twat him." Sewell was whinging about the forthcoming Cobra exhibition, at our magnificent BALTIC Centre For Male North-European Art, which he claimed would have been better appreciated in London - i.e. where he lives. THE RICH diversity of local talent supported by Northern Arts was underlined last month, when they awarded a grant of £600 to George French - so that he could create a floral swastika on his allotment. French moved to the city from rural Northumberland, and claims his work is a protest against the mass slaughter of animals during the foot and mouth crisis. MORE BIZARRE still, is the fact that Gary Winn, of Durham, has been able extract £2,000 from Northern Arts and the Arts Council, to help him translate the Gilbert & Sullivan operetta The Mikado, into the Geordie dialect. The original work was set in Imperial Japan and one of the most famous songs, Three Little Maids From School Are We, becomes Three Bonny Lasses From The Toon Are We.

Brian Sewell, yesterday RADIO FOUR’S 'Dead Ringers' programme played and excellent prank last month, when mimic John Culshaw rang a local hotel pretending to be Brian Sewell. But he was outshone by the receptionist who took the call. Listeners heard the plummy tones of 'Sewell' asking how one gets to Gateshead - and "what is Gateshead?" He then asked what one may expect to find in Gateshead, to which the receptionist replied: "Lots of people from Gateshead." "Will there be lots of cave-dwellers," he asked, "and a landscape populated by woolly mammoths?" "No. That's Sunderland," she says. You can hear the full clip on our website at newcastlestuff.com - until we’re rumbled by Radio Four, and made to take it down. It takes about five minutes to download this file, but it's well worth it. DOWNLOAD IT HERE

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THE REGION was the focus of much media activity last month, as casting took place for two feature films and a new 'reality TV' series.
First up was Newcastle-based production company Ipso Facto, who bagged Windy Nook lass Jessica Johnson, as the lead in their new movie School For Seduction.
She experienced the full razzmatazz of auditions at Tyne Tees Television's studios and full-page splashes in the local press, although the newspapers seem to have forgotten stink kicked up by some pensioners in Whitley Bay, who claim they weren't paid for work on the company's last production, Nasty Neighbours.
That film's star, Ricky Tomlinson heard about it, and allegedly coughed up out of his own pocket.
Never mind. Sue Heel's script seems a better prospect than Nasty Neighbours, which failed to get a national cinema release.
Talk of …Seduction being the 'next Full Monty' may be wide of the mark, but lets hope they make a few bob - including the cast and crew.
Next up, local producer Richard Johns teams up with the director of the 1998 smash hit Sliding Doors, Peter Howitt, for the story of a South Shields teenager, The Other Half.
Based around the life of a 19-year old who leaves Shields for a grape-picking job in Bordeaux after a pregancy scare makes her reconsider her life, it will be filmed locally and in France during the summer.
Auditions took place late last month at Tyne Tees, but there's no word as yet on who the lucky lass is.
New north-east TV company Liberty Bell is casting for people to feature in a series based on the real lives of Newcastle students, likely to be filmed at Northumbria University.
All being well, it will air on Channel 4 this autumn. And all probably will be well: Liberty Bell is fronted by Andrea Wonfor, creator of Byker Grove, The Tube and Eurotrash.
Look out for recruitment posters at local colleges.