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Dear Newcastle Stuff, great site, here's a story for Charver Watch.
This event happened to a mate of mine about 3 years ago. He was sitting alone on the top deck of a bus in Heaton. A charva came up the stairs and walked to the back seat (why do they always sit upstairs at the back?).
Five minutes into the journey my mate heard a voice behind him: "Ere mate have ya got the time?", so my mate turned around and told him.
A couple of minutes later, the charv piped up again "Ere mate, would yee tell the driva if a had a piss?"
Not wanting to offend the radgie, my mate said "No".
After a further five minutes, the charv broke the silence again. "Mate, yee wouldn't tell the driva if a had a shite would yee?
My friend turned around and saw the radgie's head low down just above the back of the seat, complete with bumfluff tash.
Giving his consent to this, my mate got off the bus, equally disgusted and amused at the same time.
Outside, he looked up and all he saw was the charv's tash mouthing "cheeaz mate", and a hand giving the 'thumbs up sign'.
Another thing to look for is charvers at bus stops, and as a bus passes, they always seem to look upstairs at the back of the bus to lookout for any mates or enemies.
I've seen this loadsa times, often with the charvers gesticulating and mouthing "I'm ganna fockin knock yee ooot!"
M.H.
mh.247@virgin.net
I have unfortunately been away from Newcastle for some years now so it's always a pleasure eavesdrop on conversations in the colloquial.
I was on the 38 bus last year sitting beside two grown-up charvers. One was describing a fantastic new shop in the town - full of "glowing electric baals", neon signs and other such novelty items.
When his mate piped up, "So wats this place caallled like?".
"The Gad. (pause) Get. shop".
Mathew Currie
ex-pat Heaton
I read your website and fell over laughing so I thought I would tell a tale for Charver Watch!
I live in the States most of the time and it seems to me that Newcastle is the only place in the world with these people, and what's worse is that the government pays for these people to exist out of taxes!
You English crack me up!! Anyway....
A few months ago I was drinking in one Newcastle's suburbs' more popular bars, which is constantly patrolled by door staff.
I noticed a group of people swaggering up the road (probably due to stolen Rockports) which turned out to be a group of scrawny charver lads and two girls in MASSIVE sprayed gold earrings and fringes that looked like they had been sprayed round a beer barrel!
The lads were sporting that un-tucked shirt look, and ridiculous bumfluff tashes and the girls in white leggings, obvious big black knickers and that crossed arm 'the world owes me a fucking living why work when you can be a looser on benefits all your life' type of pose.
Suffice to say they were stopped at the door and refused entry. Astonished, one of the lads looked up and said "is it full like?" "Aye" was the reply, "try down the road".
Upon which a big one-way tirade ensued about how the charver was "fookin minted" and could buy the place; and everyone who drank in there were "rich fookin' idyots, y'knaa".
After the doorman had ignored him for a few minutes and the lad had paced up and down the road making pistol signs at all the door staff, the lad ran over, plucked his glass eye out and threw it at the doorman. Classy.
About five minutes later the lads came back without 'Britney and Sharon' (that's a guess at their names, but probably not far off) but had changed shirts. What gave their 'secret' identity away was when the lad asked if the doormen had seen a glass eye anywhere.
I did not understand why they were bothering....they do not sell white lighting on draft.
Anna Conda
anna_conda5@hotmail.com
What charvers have in their pockets:
lads: snout (tabs) • a bucket's worth of weed • bus fair yairm or money for munch • lighter, usually clipper • mobile fone • sometimes a home made pipe • a blob (condom) hopin' they meet the rite sharon • skins (rolling papers)
lasses: permanent pen •
lip balm • Vaseline or lip gloss • tampax • mobile phone • bus fair yairm or money for munch • a brush • practically a full beauty salon • keys to get in the hoose • a pic of her lad on her keys or just in her pocket
luke sherburn
lukesherburn69@hotmail.com |
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