What a CD looks like

NEWCASTLE’S TOON Army are the stars of a new CD produced by a couple of University lecturers, who recorded the racket made at the pre-season Intertoto Cup tie against German side 1860 Munich.
Local lad Matthew Sansom and 1860 fan Wolfgang Sansom taped the home crowd and have edited it down to a fifteen-minute burst of chants, cheers and boos.
It’s ‘art’, because it had its debut at the Globe Gallery, in North Shields.
Old Ronnie here was one of the forty-odd thousand crowd at the game, and I can see a drink or two coming my way. I’ve contacted the Performing Rights Society and, as a performer, I’m due sixty-seven quid each and every time it’s played on the wireless.
But it’s a tricky business claiming authorship of a football chant.
I remember years ago I was having a gargle in The Bonny Lad when little Jimmy MacApiffany said he’d come up with the ‘seventies terrace classic, "You’re Going To Get Your Fucking Heads Kicked In."
The lads were having none of it and Jimmy ended up with a broken leg.
But he was back on the terraces the following week with a new chant on his lips: "You’re Going Home In A Fucking Ambulance."
If you were at the 1860 Munich game, join me in jamming Metro Radio’s switchboard for a few requests, and maybe you’ll be able to afford next year’s season ticket.

STUDENT DOCTORS at Newcastle University have failed in a bid to drink their way into the Guinness Book of Records. The medics hoped to down 600 shots of Tequila – a hundred more than the existing record-holders in New Zealand.
But the effort failed miserably when fewer than three hundred participants turned out for the marathon slamming session.
Organiser Mark Harrison had rung the Guinness Book of Records and asked them to suggest something he could attempt.
Over two thousand students had been told of the plan.
Harrison (who you probably wouldn’t want as your GP - should he qualify) told a local newspaper: “I feel really let down. I thought students in such a party city were behind us but it appears they are really not up to scratch.”
The error in his plan seems to have been starting the effort in the afternoon.
Any self-respecting student would still be in bed – sleeping off the previous evening’s excesses.

LAST MONTH we reported on Prince Charles’ State Visit to Pink Lane, where he was cornered by Keith Crombie, outside the Rendezvous Jazz Cafe.
Now we are pleased to publish these two exclusive photographs of the encounter.
The Prince was on Tyneside to make a presentation to the Royal Shakespeare Company, who were appearing at the Theatre Royal. Members of the cast have been going to Crombie’s for many years, relaxing after their shows.
His next duty was to open a youth employment project on Pink Lane - where he was intercepted by Crombie, who insisted the Prince bestowed his Royal Approval on the Jazz Cafe.
Charlie couldn’t be tempted inside, but after nearly half an hour - and on the advice of his increasingly agitated security team - granted Crombie his wish and was allowed to move on to his next engagement.