BEEN LIVING in London for the past year and this Christmas was the perfect opportunity to re-acquaint myself with those delightful scamps from the charva tribe.
I also picked up my first copy of your mag in the Trent House having only seen it online before. I felt compelled to add my bit:
Overheard conversation on the back of a no.40 bus in Denton Burn:
Charv 1: Here, did Tommy get sent doon yesterday?
Charv 2: Divvin kna, why like?
Charv 1: Cos' he owes us twenny-five bar like
Charv 2: Straights.........?
Charv1: Aye...
etc etc.
And here's some phrases picked up when working in Westerhope:
Tattie-peeler - dubious character peddling tack
Mang - equivalent of a "ladge", just as Manging is equivalent to "being ladgeful"
Arties - equivalent of a "fog-on"
Jonathan Charlton
<jcjnr@hotmail.com
WHILST WAITING to meet a friend at the Monument, I was approached by the skankiest piece of turd you've ever seen, kitted out in Rockports, sports socks with tracky bottom tucked into them, a lovely Helly Hanson jacket, striped jumper and woolly hat perched on the back of his greasy napper.
He staggered up to me with the glazed, inhumane expression on his face and proceeded to phlegm his lungs up all over me.
I instinctively recoiled in terror to save myself from disease, and told the filthy creature:
"Look mate, I haven't got any change for your bus fare, OK!"
He gave me a look of hatred and replied "How, was ah ganna ask ya that like?".
"Probably", I replied. "In fact, definitely".
"Ner, I wasn't ganna ask ya that at aal".
"Oh really, what do you want then?".
At this he looked sheepish as his tiny brain quick chugged round trying desperately to think of something to say.
Spying my NUFC pin badge on my jacket, he spluttered out, "Er...erm.., er, aah were ganna ask if aah could ha yer Newcastle badge like"
"You can buy one behind you in the club shop for £1.99 - and very nice you are too."
With that he gave me a final chilling stare, and hauled his disease -ridden carcass off to harass the next innocent victim. Scumbag.
Yours,
Alistair Ford
NOT LONG AGO on a late bus journey home from my girlfriends, I encountered two young girls of the charver variety. They seemed to be quite drunk on "white shite" as they called it and were sitting on the double seats near the back of the bus.
I was sitting two seats down towards the front which I now realise made me a prime target.
For a while everything seemed fine as they sat and sang merrily about MCs and Master-Blasters going to the Techno, or something like that. Their mood quickly changed though as a found myself a victim of an unprovoked paper attack.
Balls of the stuff kept hitting my head so I turned around to say something. I decided to try and be pleasant about it and put on a fake posh accent to confuse them.
In my best Queens English I said: "Could you stop that please. It's very annoying". I got an answer of "Ear? Wha?"
My approach had been wrong so I altered it: "F*****n’ pack it in you bloody charvers"
The reply was interesting.
"Ear like. We're not charvas like. h'o ya callin a charva?"
I pointed out the fact that they were wearing stripped polo jumpers which were clearly fake, huge loop ear-rings, a golden clown, they both had huge fringes and were singing rave.
They insisted they were not charvers and that it wasn't rave. I was the called a "puffta".
I replied saying as long as I was safe from the prospect of shagging them, I was happy.
They soon left the bus shouting "ahhhh ya puffta!" so I gave them the V.
Adam
Washington
While we were waiting for a pizza these kids about 10 years old came in and asked for a bag of red cabbage. I looked at my dad, he looked back puzzled and I thought "where's this going?".
They had been in earlier and asked how much he would sell the cabbage for.
The guy was dumbfounded and took their 20 pence without question and we watched the 4-5 kids fighting over handfuls of cabbage from a huge bag. Me and my dad were HOWLING with LAUGHTER!
Paul Errington |
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