THE TWIN vices of the Charver are drink and drugs – although the peeve1 I slightly harder to obtain than tack2. This is because charvers are too young to get into pubs, which means hanging around outside the offie until someone can be ‘persuaded’ to go in and buy their bottles. So first of all, choose your shop and position yourself by the doorway, but out sight of the owner. If spotted you’ll have to nash3, because he’ll assume you’re on the chaw4. You could be there for some time, so why not while away the hours with a bit hockling? All charver’s hockle5 – it’s as natural as breathing. It also enables them to find their friends, by simply following the trail of phlegm from the shop to the bus shelter, and back. You should have a decent-sized pool at your feet before some dafty6 agrees to make your purchase. Charvers have a varied palate, in that they’re not fussy what they drink. But most aim to get monged7 for less than three bar8; so it’s got to be cheap. Fortunately, this market is well catered for. Many favour speccy9, a bottle of which will rip your wires out for a couple of bar. Similar tipples include White Lightning, Zodiac and Storm. The names hint at the damage they’ll inflict on your brain. Wine is popular with the Bella10 Boys, who have seen the state of imbecility tramps manage to achieve, on a couple of bottles. Basically, any white wine with a name ending in ‘brusco’ is considered too nasty for general consumption, and is knocked out to alkies and charvers at around a quid a bottle. Double cush11. You’ll need somewhere to do your drinking, and a bus shelter is just the job. Once there, you can get pissed in comfort and style, piss-off passers-by and, if you’ve downed a second bottle speccy, piss youself; before heading home to your crib12. Happy daze

Translator 1 PEEVE Alcoholic. Also, to drink: "I was proper peeved-up." 2 TACK Hashish, usually of a very poor quality 3 NASH To move swiftly: “He proper did a nash when me fatha came home” 4 CHAW To steal 5 HOCKLE Spit 6 DAFTY Thick or gullible person 7 MONGED Off one’s head 8 BAR An English pound: "Me fine was only fowty-bar." 9 SPECCY Spectrum cider, cheap and nasty 10 BELLA Bella Brusco, a vile white wine 11 DOUBLE CUSH Very good. Also ‘pure cush’, or simply ‘cush’ 12 CRIB Where a charver sleeps: "Am gan yairm to me crib."