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WEAR ON OUR WAY!
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Metro extension prompts mass exodus from Wearside
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 THERE WAS mass hysteria in Sunderland last month when the Metro link with Newcastle finally opened, as thousands of locals tried to board the first train out of the city.
"It was like Berlin when the Wall came down," said Stan Clear, Tyne & Wear Metro’s driver on the historic journey.
"They were sitting on the roof and hanging from the sides. We had to add a dozen cattle trucks to the train, to take all the poor wretches and their belongings."
Things turned ugly when several Sunderland ‘footballers’ barged to the front of the queue, hoping to flee the lynch mobs from the city they have shamed so disgracefully this season.
If Kevin Phillips hadn’t distracted them by taking a dive near the ticket machine, there would have been a bloodbath.
A sobbing mother watched as seven of her children and their five fathers left on the Metro, for a new life. "Kids want so much these days, and I can’t provide it in Sunderland," wept Penny Well.
"The bairns have seen Newcastle on the television and they want to be part of it. You’ve got classier tattoo parlours and cheaper off–licences. I want my young ‘uns to grow up with the very best."
 There were problems when the Metro approached Tyneside, where passports were checked at Pelaw. Several thousand Mackems were shipped back to a holding camp at Brockley Whins, although there are reports that lorry drivers are charging as much as a fiver to smuggle them through the Tyne Tunnel.
But not everyone is keen to leave Sunderland. Newcastle Stuff spoke with one Mackem who has decided to stay in the city.
"Dain’t talk to me about Newcastle, there’ll be nay work there for me," a locksmith told us, from his unit in the Bridges shopping centre. "But I’ll always be busy here," he said, before turning back to his customers. "We’s keys are these keys?" |
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GREAT TRAIN ROBBERY
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 METRO CHIEFS are threatening to suspend services to Sunderland, after a spate of thefts has brought the transport system close to collapse.
"If we don't get our wheels back, we won't send any more trains. It's as simple as that," an official told Newcastle Stuff, yesterday.
Drivers have been advised by bosses not to wait at stations for more than thirty-seconds, as that's all it takes for locals to jack a carriage up and have it away with the wheels.
Officials are also concerned about the disappearance of dozens of seats, although Sunderland police have made a breakthrough, after arresting members of a gang based in the city's Pennywell area.
"They swooped on several houses on that estate, where they found residents had sold their three-piece suites and were using property belonging to the transport system instead," an insider said.
"We like to use high quality furnishing on our trains, but we may have to introduce wooden benches on that route."
Nobody in Sunderland was available for comment, yesterday morning. |
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SIGNS OF THE TIMES
LOCAL LANDMARKS
GADGIES' CORNER
GALLERY
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